Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
