Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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