It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
please don't ironically join a cult
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