Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
