This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
