I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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