you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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