If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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