Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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