Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
