I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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