6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
