fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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