Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
