new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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