I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
