I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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