and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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