i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
