This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
