i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
