I'm lost and stupid without you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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