Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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