Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
