Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
