We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
