dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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