11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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