No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
