you win again, gameday.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
