I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
