I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
