We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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