there's paper in my vomit.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
