no, he came in my armpit
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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