Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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