I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
