i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
