made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
