So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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