cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
