Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
