every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
