And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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