I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
love makes seman taste better
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
