He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
