I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
