I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
