It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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