At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
